Toxic People

Not everyone in this life wants your highest and greatest good. Sometimes you might even be related to those people. Whether it’s a close relative, partner, boss or frenemy, toxic people are a part of the human experience.

I know from experience it isn’t easy or sometimes even possible to leave. Getting to a place where you can change your circumstances might not even be a goal in the case of a close family relationship. Even though it is difficult you can actually find something positive about yourself in the worst of times.

I think the experience of walking away from a bad situation you have invested greatly in is summed up in the Eight of Cups. You may also pull the Six of Swords which can sometimes represent leaving a place of domestic violence or starting fresh someplace new.

Some helpful queries to ask your tarot deck if you need guidance.

• What do you need to know about the other person who is being toxic/difficult/unhealthy?
• What secret is being hidden from you?
• What wisdom would soothe the situation?
• How can you increase your support network?

How Do You Know If Behavior Is Toxic

When you have only experienced unhealthy negative behavior or have a hostile family of origin, it can be hard to recognize that constant toxicity is not normal. Unfortunately, you may be tied by blood or legal union to a person who is hostile, aggressive (passively or actively), demeaning, unsupportive and generally difficult. 

• A top sign that they other person is dangerous to your well-being, is they blame you for their own actions. This blame-shifting tries to make you responsible for whatever horrible thing they are doing. If you’ve heard statements like “I wouldn’t do “x” except you made me.” Recognize this for what it is: a lie. 

• Another sign is that the toxic person wants to keep toxic exchanges (emotional or physical) hidden so others don’t know often using an excuse that if you “really loved them” you’d do never share details about their bad behavior. This type of predator only wants to cut you off from your support network. They know you’re more vulnerable if you’re alone. They may pressure you to leave a job you love, not to go out with friends or to stop talking to your family. This can be a sign that bad behavior is about to ramp up. 

• If a person tries to tell you that your being upset is not valid. While it is true we are all personally responsible for our emotions, it is also true all your emotions are valid. You have every right to be upset when someone hurts you.

Behavior That Is Never OK And Requires Professional Intervention 

1. Violence directed at you or others.
2. Other crimes like extortion, blackmail, kidnapping or imprisonment against your will.
3. Sexual crimes including using psychological pressure until you give in because if you don’t, it will be worse for you.

Limit Your Interaction With Toxic People 

Drawing new boundaries is likely to cause unhappiness (or worse) in the toxic person. In the case of a net negative person, you need to put your well-being first. Do not allow a toxic person an all-access pass to your life.

Remember Guilt About Having Boundaries Is Misplaced 

It is always OK to take care of yourself FIRST. You have an obligation to yourself to create a life that is healthy for you so you can share your gifts with the world. If you feel badly about limiting a toxic person’s ability to hurt you, you should gently release that response as no longer serving your highest good.

Toxic People Use Their Behavior To Get Preferential Treatment 

We have probably all observed how a self-centered person used their mood as a weapon. If you don’t want them upset, you go out of your way to cater to the toxic person. They aren’t afraid to let you know that you’d better do everything in your power to maintain their preferred way of life. This is bullying. And it’s not ok.

Try Not To Take Bad Behavior Personally 

Although it can seem daunting, it is important to realize bad behavior on the part of a toxic person isn’t actually a reflection of who you are as a person. It says a lot about the other person but nothing at all about you. You are worthy of being respected and being treated as the magnificent person you are.

Accept You Are The One Who Must Change 

No matter how sweet it is to fantasize about a toxic person changing their ways, you must accept the only change you have control over is your own. You can change your boundaries. You can change how you think. You can change what you do and say. You can change into a person who doesn’t tolerate toxicity.

Being Consumed With Anger Only Hurts You 

It is normal to be angry when you’ve been wronged but don’t pitch your tent and live there. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and give yourself time to process your thoughts and emotions. But the best thing you can do, is to move on and leave all the disappointment in your rear view mirror.

 Understand You May Be Forced To Abandon The Relationship 

In some circumstances, the only thing to do is release the toxic person with gratitude for their showing you who you are and who they are. You are worth saving because you are precious.